Monday, May 18, 2009

Remember I Love You

The theme of this month has been a tug of war for me. When it was first assigned, I knew what I was going to write. See, for a long time, I wished for a letter from my mother. She passed away in 1993, before I was mature enough to realize just what a gem she was. Now that I have my own son and am a little more mature, I have so many things I want to say to her. I do say them. In the car, I talk to her and often I cry. In the shower, I do the same. Right now, in front of the computer, I'm a little weepy. But, you're hearing what I do. Let's go back to the wish.

I wish for a letter from my mother. It's selfish of me. I want to read that she knew all along that when I was pushing her away it was because I needed to (as my four year old says) "Do it myself." I compose this letter in my mind often. I tried to write it. I couldn't.

Next I decided to find the letter my mother's best friend wrote to me after Mom's death. It was a four pager filled with memories of my mother as a young girl in 1940s. It's about roller skating and Mom's big sisters. It's about the clothes they wore. It talked about Mom being so afraid of high school that she fainted on the first day, and my grandma came and got her and carried her home, so Mom didn't have to go. It talked about the kind of friendship that lasted five decades. I couldn't find the letter from Mary Hale, Mom's best friend, but I found a letter from my mother to me.

No, not the one I keep writing myself.

The letter I found was with my personal stuff because it contained important information. See, when I was in my 20's, I was mugged and lost my purse. I had to call Mom and have her send me some information so I could replace stuff. Last night I found the letter and recognized Mom's handwriting. God gave me such a gift last night. See, the last lines of my mother's letter read:
"I miss you so very much and I sure do love you. There's really not a lot of
news so I'll close to get this mailed. So remember that I love you."
I didn't need a letter, really. I needed the words.

10 comments:

  1. Oh, how sweet Pamela. I'm so glad you found that letter. God knew just the right moment for you to find it. :)

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  2. It makes me think about God, too. We don't always treat him the way he deserves, yet there he is with the words: For God so loved the world...

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  3. I tell all my family ever time I see them I love them, and used to tell my mom that also, she has been gone for 29 years and I still talk to her and dream about her sometimes, She saw all my 4 children but never got to see any of my grandkids, sometimes I say to her Mama I wish you could see (whom ever I am thinking about at that time) I was her baby and miss her so much. It gets eaiser but I always will have her in my mind and heart as long as God gives me a mind or breath.

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  4. God is so good to meet our deepest need. I'm so glad He blessed you with those precious lines from your mom.

    I recently ran across a recipe written in my mom's handwriting, it was like a little ray of sunshine in my day. She's been gone a long time and yet she's near in the little things I see or remember.
    Mary

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  5. Edna,
    I tell my family, too.

    Mez,
    Thre's just something about Mom's handwriting. So, tell me, did you make the recipe?

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  6. Okay, Pamela, you made me cry. I wish for the same thing from my mom who died in 1999.

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  7. Margaret,
    There's got to be a lesson in this somewhere because if my mother suddenly appeared before me, I think I'd say "I'm sorry" before I said "I love you." I think it's the word REMEMBER in the ...remember I love you... that meant so much last night.

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  8. Okay, I'm getting teary-eyed. That was a very moving post. Thank you.

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  9. I didn't make Sunshine Salad that day but I know I will throughout the hot summer days!

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  10. Jill,
    Your welcome.

    Mez,
    What a perfect dish. Sunshine Salad. It couldn't be more fitting.

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