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Today marks my 30th wedding anniversary. it’s made me introspective, pondering what three decades of marriage has taught me about life and love. My husband Jeff and I have seen a lot together: parenting, death of parents, wonderful successes and heart-wrenching trials for our two children, times of ease and fun, and times of struggle where we weren’t quite sure we’d make it.
Of course, we’re far from done. With God’s grace, we’ve got many more years and experiences yet to come. But with the advantage of hindsight, here are three things I believe make a marriage work:
1) Ask for what you need
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| ...And us now |
Most of my tough slogs in this married business have come from expecting my spouse to somehow intuit what I need. It never works. Having the courage and the vulnerability to express what I need from my husband is always the clearest path to harmony.
2) Have friends and interests beyond each other
I’ve become a “car person” because my husband is. He’s taken to travel adventures because I like them. We’ve learned to do new things together, but each of us also feels free to pursue interests and friend groups. We’re not just a couple, we’re two individuals. I believe love is stronger when it isn’t total dependence.
3) Laugh
At each other when you need to, at yourself especially when you least want to, and at Monty Python or The Three Stooges when necessary. Laughter has gotten us out of more fights and pulled us through more dark passages than any amount of grit or gumption. It’s the oil of grace that eases most of marriage friction.
I don’t know if these three constitute the best marriage advice. They’re certainly not the only paths to happy matrimony. But they are the ones I choose to share with you as I celebrate this milestone.
I’m so very thankful for God’s gift of Jeff to me. Knowing love surely helps to write love, and having a happily ever after of my own continues to inspire me to write more for you. My next story of love and laughter is Wander Canyon Courtship, due out July 1. I hope you enjoy it.
So tell me, what milestone anniversary is coming up for you?
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Congratulations on 30 years, Allie. That's a wonderful accomplishment. I love your words of advice. Laughter is so important. Like you said, it can get you through so many rough patches in life. My advice is to enjoy every minute of your life together. Even the tough times because they can make you stronger. I find myself looking back on some of the hard times when money was tight in the past and I realize how much my husband and I both learned through those experiences. It made us both stronger.
ReplyDeleteSO true Mary! Enjoying every minute--even when it takes effort to find the joy--is precious.
DeleteIt will be 50 years for us come June! It doesn’t seem possible! And we just became great grandparents! We have 4 children and 8 grands.
ReplyDeleteI like your three tips. They certainly fit.
We never gave up. It’s called commitment. And I hate to think what it would be like if we didn’t have Jesus!
Thanks bunches for the post! Blessings.
Marriage is commitment, definitely. It's never roses all the time. But if you're lucky, it's at least daisies most of the time :)
DeleteCongratulations. 89 was a good year. We will be celebrating 30 years in June.
ReplyDeleteA good year indeed. Seems we share more than just a book this month :)
DeleteCongratulations on 30 years! That's amazing! :) Your advice is wonderful and I especially loved the Monty Python reference.
ReplyDeleteWe're huge Python fans--although I confess I STILL don't get the Three Stooges...
ReplyDeleteHappy Anniversary, Allie, to you and your hero! Three great tips for a lasting marriage. I'd add prayer to your list. Praying together, sharing a faith, is number one on my list of ways to maintain that happily ever after.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that!
DeleteCongratulations, Allie! I loved this post! My husband and I definitely laugh a lot, and we have many similar interests and quite a few solo interests. It keeps us on our toes!
ReplyDeleteMy husband's quirky sense of humor is one of the things I love best about him :)
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ReplyDeleteCongratulations and Happy Anniversary. My hubby and I celebrated our 30th last year. Definitely a milestone worth celebrating. I love your tips. Solid and wise advice.
In that case, happy 31st!
DeleteCongratulations. I love seeing this. We just celebrated our 39th anniversary in February. We had our good times and bad. It saddens me to see those who hit the bumps in the road and give up. Those potholes and train wrecks are what make marriages that much stronger when you get you through them.
ReplyDeleteYou know what they say...smooth seas never train good sailors!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 30 years. We're going to celebrate 48 this May. It has been a journey. My hubby and I learned to give each other the space we need. It's helped. Of course I still don't like Dr. Who, but go in a different bedroom and watch the second TV. Unfortunately, I've seen every version of Star Trek. The original was the best.
ReplyDeleteStill living the single life, yet its hard not to envy those married n with children as when ur in ur 20s its a possibility, early 30s it could still happen, last 30s well if its not going to happen i can be the fun aunt whose a big softy n spoiler of neices n nephews n my sister currently loves it but might need to provide guidlines soon. But just with 18 months this aunty has learned alot
ReplyDeleteForty-four yeas for Big D and me. Lots of blood, sweat and tears!!! I agree about having your own interests and friends. When I became stronger so did our marriage. We’ve had some bumps and potholes but we’re still on the journey together!
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