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| Us back then... |
Today marks my 30th wedding anniversary. it’s made me introspective, pondering what three decades of marriage has taught me about life and love. My husband Jeff and I have seen a lot together: parenting, death of parents, wonderful successes and heart-wrenching trials for our two children, times of ease and fun, and times of struggle where we weren’t quite sure we’d make it.
Of course, we’re far from done. With God’s grace, we’ve got many more years and experiences yet to come. But with the advantage of hindsight, here are three things I believe make a marriage work:
1) Ask for what you need
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| ...And us now |
Most of my tough slogs in this married business have come from expecting my spouse to somehow intuit what I need. It never works. Having the courage and the vulnerability to express what I need from my husband is always the clearest path to harmony.
2) Have friends and interests beyond each other
I’ve become a “car person” because my husband is. He’s taken to travel adventures because I like them. We’ve learned to do new things together, but each of us also feels free to pursue interests and friend groups. We’re not just a couple, we’re two individuals. I believe love is stronger when it isn’t total dependence.
3) Laugh
At each other when you need to, at yourself especially when you least want to, and at Monty Python or The Three Stooges when necessary. Laughter has gotten us out of more fights and pulled us through more dark passages than any amount of grit or gumption. It’s the oil of grace that eases most of marriage friction.
I don’t know if these three constitute the best marriage advice. They’re certainly not the only paths to happy matrimony. But they are the ones I choose to share with you as I celebrate this milestone.
I’m so very thankful for God’s gift of Jeff to me. Knowing love surely helps to write love, and having a happily ever after of my own continues to inspire me to write more for you. My next story of love and laughter is Wander Canyon Courtship, due out July 1. I hope you enjoy it.
So tell me, what milestone anniversary is coming up for you?
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