Hi Everyone! Danica Favorite here, and I wanted to share something that's
been on my heart for a while. People often ask if my stories about inspired by
my real life, and mostly, I have to say that they don't. But one of the things
I am noticing is that when I write about a particular theme, I end up seeing
that theme pop up everywhere around me. Maybe it's coincidence, or maybe it's
God working in my heart, but I find that once I've written a book, I understand
that theme on a much deeper level as it applies to my own life.
The pattern of learning a thematic lesson is especially true in
ShotgunMarriage, which is out this month. When I was writing
The Lawman's Redemption
(July 2015), I wrote about Emma Jane Logan, an unpopular, prickly girl no one
liked. Except Mary Stone, who looked deeper and offered kindness to someone
undeserving but in desperate need. I'd written it to show off Mary's heart, and
Mary's character, but what I found was that I couldn't forget Emma Jane. We all
know an Emma Jane. Maybe parts of us have been Emma Jane. I know I’ve had my
own experiences where I can relate to the torment she experienced.
What changed Emma Jane from girl no one liked to someone who deserved to
have her own story told?
The answer is simple: Mary’s kindness to her. I believe that the reason
people were so unkind to Emma Jane is that somehow, they hoped their words would
encourage her to change. Think about how many times we issue a criticism of
something in hopes that it will bring about the change we desire. I know what
it’s liked to be bullied. One time, a girl pulled me aside and said, “look, I
know we’re hard on you, but we’re only doing it for your own good. If you’d
just change these things about yourself, everything would be fine.” Ouch.
However, none of that made me change. It just gave me reason to spend hours
crying, wondering why I had to turn into the equivalent of a Stepford wife to
be acceptable to my peers. Did I have flaws needing attention? Yes. Were some
of her criticisms valid? Yes. But the sheer unkindness of her words and actions
didn’t give me a safe place to make those changes. What finally brought about
change in my life was having genuine friends come around me, loving me as I
was, so that when I needed redirection, I knew it came from a loving place and
I felt safe in considering their words.
It’s tempting, when we see flaws in others or in their work, to
reach out and offer our “guidance” on the issue. But before we do so, we need
to take a step back and ask ourselves a few questions based on lessons I learned from writing about Emma Jane.
What is my motivation behind the criticism?
Am I angry, self-righteous, or offended at something the person said or did,
and think I need to show my superior position? Maybe it’s time to take a step
back and not say something, even if that other person is wrong. It’s not okay
to prove your point at the expense of someone else. Like Jesus says, before we
can take a speck out of someone else’s eye, we must first take the plank out of
our own. The women who teased Emma Jane did so to make themselves feel better,
to prove their higher social standing, and later, to get back at her for “stealing”
the town’s most eligible bachelor. Maybe there was some truth in the criticism,
but it was so tainted with bad motivation, no one could see it.
Did that person ask for my opinion?
I think about all the times we’re offered unsolicited advice. Looking at all
the unsolicited advice I’ve been given, I can tell you that it’s probably only
been helpful or useful about 1% of the time. Mostly, it’s not what I needed. In
terms of what Emma Jane went through, she never asked the women around her what
they thought of her fashion sense. She knew her clothes weren’t fashionable,
but also didn’t have the means to change it. It would have been a different
situation had Emma Jane gone to the more fashionable women and asked, “hey,
what can I do to be more fashionable,” but she was so ashamed of her reduced
status and had faced so many barbs, it didn’t feel safe for her to do so.
Is my criticism rooted in love? Do I have a deep and genuine love for the
person I’m criticizing and my words stem from that love?
It’s so easy to criticize someone we don’t like. Giving that criticism
sometimes justifies our dislike of someone else. After all, if that person didn’t
do x, we’d like that person more. But ask yourself, would you say it to your
best friend? If Jesus was sitting next to you, would you still offer that
criticism? It’s so easy to overlook the mistakes of people we love, so give
some grace to the people you don’t. In the Lawman’s Redemption, when Emma Jane
was sobbing and a mess, Mary didn’t just say, “hey, you look terrible,” but she
very lovingly helped Emma Jane pull herself together.
Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list, but as I look at Emma Jane’s
transformation, these are the biggest keys to that transformation. Mostly,
though, her life changed because others were willing to build her up instead of
tearing her down. We all have that same power to change lives. But the most
profound change comes from building others up instead of tearing them down. We
live in an ugly world full of criticism and attacks from all sides. So let’s
use the power we all have within us to help others in loving way.
I’m giving away two sets of The Lawman’s Redemption and Shotgun Marriage so
you and a friend can fully experience Emma Jane’s transformation. Because there
is so much value in friendship, I want you to be able to give a friend the same
encouragement. To enter, tell me about the friend you’d give the second set of
books to. For a bonus entry, I’d love to hear your suggestions for ways we can
build up those around us who need it. I’m booked with conferences and events
over the next week or so, so you have two weeks! I’ll draw a winner on April 20th.
About the book:
Conveniently Wed Forced to wed to
protect their reputations after being trapped overnight in a mine, Emma
Jane and Jasper Jackson's marriage is one in name only. Resenting the
choices taken from him, Jasper's determined not to lose his heart. But
it's not so easy to stay distanced from his new bride when a gang of
bandits abducts them both.
Other young women might be ecstatic
to land Leadville's wealthiest bachelor. But Emma Jane would rather have
Jasper's love than his family's money. A true bond with her handsome
husband seems impossible…until their ordeal leaves Emma Jane caring for
an orphaned baby. In reach now is the one thing neither expected—the
chance to turn a convenient marriage into a forever family.
Conveniently Wed 
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