Friday, February 27, 2009

Reality of Love - Carol Steward

This is my first year of 17 seasons to watch "The Bachelor." Since I'm a romance author, many people thought I'd be drawn to the show long before now. Oddly enough, I've always thought it sounded like a hokey idea – falling in love in 6 weeks. Granted, I have written several such books, where the hero and heroine meet and fall madly in love in a matter of weeks.

I know a lot of people who have met and married their spouse in a matter of weeks, and have been happily married for years. Don't get me wrong, I believe very much that God can bring two people together with such assurance of happily ever after.

This is television, I keep reminding myself. Still, I have a very difficult time watching the bachelor making out with one bachelorette after another, and trying to equate this with finding true love. This last week he sent the next hopeful woman away when the bachelorette said she wanted to marry her best friend. His reason was he wanted to be more than best friends, which got me thinking – a very dangerous situation!

Do you marry your best friend? Or do you fall in love first and THEN become best friends? Initially, I agreed with Jillian (the last bachelorette to be turned away) when she said that when they're 90, she'll want to be with her best friend. I'll admit, after nearly thirty-one years of marriage, it seems like my honey and I have been best friends forever. And that is just the way I want it. But was it friendship that brought us together, or "more"? And what exactly is "more" than best friends?

And who better to ask than my best friend, my husband. We're watching the show together, so he knew, even predicted who the bachelor would send packing. And he even agrees with Jason, the bachelor, on wanting "more" than being best friends for a happy marriage. His definition of "more" is the spark that will send one into a burning building to save the other. That warm feeling when your love walks into the room and smiles at you – even after thirty years of marriage.

So after a long discussion, I agree that yes, there was a lot more of "more" than best friends in my husband's and my courting days. And I will change my opinion to include both "best friends" and "more than best friends" when looking for one's perfect mate. I hope that he and his bachelorette will remember to keep each other as best friends as well, because they'll need a lot more than a spark to keep that love alive and growing through the good times and bad. And so far, on "reality T.V.", there hasn't been much focus on becoming "best friends." But whether a couple meets online, on a reality show, or in their daily walk of life, I think the most important thing is to remember to keep the love growing, through all types of love.

All-in-all, it's entertainment. I think the statistics of the show say it all, only 1 couple out of 17 seasons has found what it takes to turn reality T.V. into real love. I am a true fan of love and romance and lasting marriages, in romance novels, in television, and most of all, in real life.

God Bless,



  1. Carol, this is such a great post. I have to admit that my granny got me hooked on this show. LOL! But then it's disheartening to hear how soon they all break up. LOL!


  2. Its the first season I watched it as well. I have to say that I was very disapointed to see Jillian go. I really thought it would come down to her and Melissa. I know my husband and only dated 3 months before we became engaged but I held off on the wedding for over a year just to make sure that those feelings were really there and not just the excitement of thinking I had found that someone. Anyway this post is great and points out somegreat qualities. Adam and started out as friends but he became so much more than that. We had a very trying 1st year and our now heading into our second but with God by ourside we know we can make it through anything. We just have to keep him 1st.

  3. I've never seen The Bachelor. Like Carol, I've always thought the very idea hokey. I didn't marry my best friend, but my husband quickly became my best friend after we married. Hmmm.

  4. I have enjoyed this season and I'm eagerly awaiting next week to see who he picks. I agree with Jason I definitely want friendship but there needs to be "more." That spark is important, too.

  5. Interesting thoughts! I've been watching on and off this season too and I agree the whole sexual concept of the show is a little disturbing. How can those girls know he's making out (or probably more!) with the other contestants on weekend getaways, then do the same with him during their turn? Sickening! Then you have the issues in your mind if you're rejected of comparison and maybe you weren't as exciting or whatever else. The girls on that show must have severe self esteem issues after losing.

    I digress. =) As usual.

    My hubby and I were great friends before we started dating, and our friendship only grew. Of course there was "more" there or else we would have stayed just friends. But I think friendship is really important first because all the important stuff like trust and compatibility is already there!

  6. It's been a fun show to keep track of, and I like Jason and the finalists. I'm a little creeped out to think of the competition and pressure on them to perform for the cameras and yet let their hearts get attached.

    I met my husband when I was in the 7th grade. We went to the same church, but we met in school, where he was a teacher's assistant for my math class. I had such a crush on him I vowed I was going to marry someone LIKE him. He was dating someone else from our church at the time and two years later he even gave her a ring. Then the two went off to college and realized they weren't that into each other any more. Just in time, I will say, he remembered the goofy girl from church and Mrs. Patton's math class, and he called to ask me out. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. My mother didn't find out for several weeks that he was 5 years older than me. By then, she and my dad liked him as much as I did and didn't have the heart to make us break up. LOL. He's definitely a keeper, and it all started with friendship, plus a little "more" - 7th grade style. :o)

  7. I always take these reality shows with a cup of salt. What kills me is that they have writers who are manipulating people.

    I know when I write I put characters in situations and then watch what happens.

    So I resent the fact that the writers are supposed to be invisible. GRIN

    My favorite reality shows are Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. Don't laugh. They are real people and unscripted!

  8. (Anita takes a deep breath, stands up and blows the air out between a small 'o' between her lips....) My name is Anita Mae and I love watching the Bachelor.

    There, I said it!

    I've been a Bachelor/ette fan since the season Trista fell in love with Ryan. My teen (18 yo) daughter watches it with me. She watches it for the romance wheras I watch it for the body language and facial expressions. It's great research. Yes, it's for the benefit of the cameras, but those cameramen are good!

    I met Nelson in June, became his finacee in Sep (he proposed after I refused to move in with him) and married him in Dec. We just celebrated our 32nd year together.

    Like Pamela, he wasn't my BF when we married but he has been for the past 20 or so yrs. :)

  9. Betsy, I'm with you on the show. I think I watched it one or 2 seasons, but then I just couldn't believe the women would make out after knowing he's just done it with the other women! Of course, any of the reality shows can be addicting! I've watched The Bachelor and sometimes felt like I'm watching a train wreck, but just can't look away! LOL

    Carol, great post. I didn't know my husband at all when first started dating. We grew to be friends while dating. And pretty quickly fell in love. :)

  10. Jessie and Anita Mae, thanks for stopping by and commenting!