Thursday, February 12, 2009

Uh, oh...Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs?

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs...

Missy here. Talking about that last part, love keeps no record of wrongs...
Okay, I’ll admit I forgot to mail a check to a friend recently. I also forgot to make my son a haircut appointment (poor thing looked like he had a growth out the back of his head!). And I forgot to buy ice cream at the grocery. I forgot…I forgot…I forgot…

I forget a lot of things. But I bet I can tell you every single time my husband irritated me last week! :) And I can tell you exactly which days my youngest two kids fought on the way home from school. (Not hard to do. It was EVERY SINGLE DAY last week!) I can tell you the biggest mistakes my parents made while I was growing up. I can even tell you friends who have hurt my feelings over the last 20+ years.

Love keeps no record of wrongs. Oh, my.

I guess I’m in big trouble.

So I’m asking for help from you (and from God). How can I let these little things go and truly love my husband? I mean, come on, how bad is it, truly, that he’s so fastidiously organized while my piles are exploding everywhere? Shouldn’t I be thankful?? :) And so what if he moves my piles out of his way on occasion? (No, he doesn’t understand that I know where everything is in those piles!) And so what if he hogs the covers? And hogs the remote control?

Maybe I can focus more on the sweet things he does, like helping with the laundry, taking the dogs out each morning, emptying the dishwasher, taking care of the kids while I’m at conferences, offering to make me a sandwich when I’m writing toward a deadline (and missing meals)…

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Okay, how do you do this with the man you love? How do you do this with your parents or your children? How do you love them with a First Corinthians 13 kind of love?
P.S. Don't forget Valentine's Day is Saturday!!


  1. Missy, I'm just the opposite. My husband has his stacks that I'm constantly moving. LOLOL!

    Great post.


  2. Yeah, I hear ya. You know what, though, we're not perfect. All we can do is try.

    It's tough not to keep track, isn't it? I just pray like the dickens and remember what Power of a Praying Wife said about there being only ONE perfect man ever created, and that's Jesus.

    My hubby is NOT Jesus, nor am I. So the more I remember how many times I do something to annoy my hubby, his things don't seem to glare me right in the face any longer.

  3. I've been a school teacher for 20 years so I'm a list maker. When we took our three year old to the dentist last month, he told Daddy, "You have to help too." For a moment, I loved that dentist. On the way home, I told hubby, "You do nights, and I'll do mornings." List maker, see. Do I know how many times my husband has NOT brushed my son's teeth? YES
    Oh, Missy, I'm with you. On almost every detail. Except, my husband was doing the laundry last night when I came home late from work. He watches Mikey when I got to conferences....

  4. LOL, Cheryl. Opposites attract!

    Lynn, you're so right! It does help to remind ourselves of that!


  5. Pamela, it's tough to learn to live with someone isn't it?? Maybe that's why God created romantic love and infatuation, so we're so over the moon in love when we first marry that we're able to overlook the flaws and learn to adjust. :)

    (flaws like forgetting to brush our child's teeth!) LOL


  6. Hi Missy:

    I believe that when the Bible says, “Love keeps no record of wrongs”, it is not simply talking about remembering wrongs but rather ‘recording wrongs like debits in a ledger to be deducted later against future credits.”

    “Love keeps no record of wrongs”, is more like the ‘forgiveness of wrongs’ than it is like having wrongs expunged from memory.

    In a sense, what credit is there in loving a perfect person?

    Loving someone with ‘all their faults’ is what engenders credit. To love someone ‘with all their faults’, you have to remember those faults. Remembering faults is far different than expecting pay-back because of those faults. When one party keeps track of wrongs and expects a payback -- that is the end of love.


  7. Missy --

    Reading the comments reminded me of a story I heard once about two men who were enemies all their lives until they got old and senile and forgot their grudges, then they became the best of friends.

    Hopefully, that's not what it takes for us to get past a grudge.

    Vince, I thought your comments were interesting.

  8. I may be wrong but it seems to me that "Love keeps no record of wrongs" means that even though you may remember you don't write it down and say to the other person something like ..."look last month you did _____ four times on this day and this day and this day. It should also mean you still love the other person in spite of the wrongs.

  9. Vince, that's a great point! And I think you're right on target. I was being pretty lighthearted about the topic, but you're correct in pointing out that it goes much deeper. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Ellen, you said something similar to Vince, and I totally agree. It's not our place to try keep track of every little wrong. That's not love at all.

  10. Janet, what a cute story! And so true. Grudges do absolutely no good, and really, they only end up hurting the one with the grudge.


  11. Missy,
    Very thoughtful post.

    I'm with you on the piles. My husband can't figure out how I can constantly have a mess on my desk. I clean it, and the next day it looks as though I haven't touched it.

    I've come to the conclusion that I may have a little ADD. I'm easily distracted. This past fall when we were getting ready for my daughter's wedding, my new son-in-law said, "Don't show her anything shiny." LOL

    Even though my hubby doesn't understand my mess, he is truly forgiving. He's mister neat-freak, so he keeps me on track. We have to remember not to keep records of our clashing personalities.

  12. Oh, Merrillee, that's so funny what your SIL said!!!! Thanks for making me smile. :)


  13. Missy, Missy, Missy.

    You're the mom. The wife. Honey, it's your job to keep track!

    That's not sinful, girlfriend. It's just how it is!

    Do you think it's an accident that comics make jokes about men's memories? Forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, appointments? Honey, they're different, that whole Mars and Venus thing (though they ended up breaking up which didn't surprise me a smidge because he ratted out his wife in the book, telling things NO ONE should know...Yowza... for a therapist, he coulda used a little of his own medicine, but I digress. Like usual.)

    Anyway, I think God made us different because one of us needs to keep track of things. When we've hosted weddings, graduations, showers, etc., it's my overview and memory that keeps things on track and gets everybody and the food to the church on time.

    When we cut firewood, it's Dave's muscle and determination that heats the house.

    I can't do firewood as well as he can. He can't overview and keep track of things like I can.

    In fact he brags that multi-tasking is actually ineffective.

    That's because he can't do it, LOL!

    What's nice about being married a long time is you can laugh at these things and shrug 'em off.

    But I'd need a lobotomy to pretend I don't keep track, and since lobotomies are expensive, I'm going with the good memory and enjoying it as long as it lasts.

    Great post, Missy! You had me smiling.


  14. LOL, Ruthy. I have the same difference in my household. I multi-task. And my husband has a single track mind. I also like to tease him about it. So yes, we learn to deal with the differences--and frustrations and disagreements--with laughter. It's an important part of love!


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